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Posts Tagged ‘running humor’

Runners often lament that they get black toenails. I’m not sure anyone’s pinpointed the exact cause of black toenails, the painful blood blisters under the nails. Ill-fitting shoes, downhill running, anatomy, swelling in the heat, lack of nail trimming, plain bad luck, some combination thereof? I do follow the advice to prevent black toenails: getting fitted for a proper size running shoe with enough room in the toe box, wearing wicking running socks, and trimming my toenails to the point they don’t look fantastic in this Southern California flip-flop wearing culture.

Still, I think the main reason I haven’t fallen victim to the dreaded black toe is that I simply haven’t reached a high enough running mileage. I don’t think I’m immune to it, and I like to tempt fate with my own little inside joke for runners:

Black toenail polish

Tempting fate by painting my toenails black

I used my 10-year-old’s non-toxic Piggy Paint to paint my nails black. It makes me smile every time I slip on my running shoes!

Do you get black toenails? What have you done to treat and/or prevent them?

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stack of pancakes with syrup

I could eat this photo by Alicia Solario

You know what the hardest part of a long Saturday run is? It’s not the early morning wake up, the Southern California 76 degree heat even at 7 a.m., the 86 degree heat by the time I finished, the 11 miles on the road, or the smell of exhaust from the lawn mowers and leaf blowers. It’s the smell of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon. I don’t even eat bacon, but it smells heavenly when all you’ve had to eat is half a banana and you’re eight miles into a run. There ought to be a law, or at least a principle of honor, that dictates that anyone who makes pancakes on a Saturday morning on a well-traveled running route must set out an extra plate, preferably with a side of real maple syrup. Listen up politicians. Here’s your new campaign slogan, free of charge: Pancakes for Everyone! The world would be a better place.

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Oh my goodness, I am about to bring women everywhere a valuable public service announcement. If you’ve ever wished you could pee standing up, here is your cure for penis envy.

It’s the Shewee, the hilarious yet oh-so-practical female urination device for the athlete on the go! You pull aside your underwear, place the Shewee securely to your body, aim away from your feet, complete your business, shake dry and place the Shewee back in its case or a resealable bag. Here’s the illustration from the company in case you’re having trouble picturing it:

Right off the bat I can see at least three uses for this for female athletes:

1. To avoid having to sit on the nasty seat at the race porta potties.
2. To pee discreetly while on the race course without having to wet oneself or wait in line at an all-too-rare porta potty on the course.
3. To finally be able to write your name in the snow.

Why had I never heard of this before?! Apparently this is only one of several brands of such devices on the market. Another reusable brand folds up compactly, and there are disposable, cardboard versions, too.

So ladies, let’s get down to business. Would you use the Shewee? Have you tried it or something like it? Have you ever squatted in the bushes at a race? Have you ever wet yourself (on purpose) while running, just to save valuable race time? 

FTC disclosure: Amazon.com links support this blog at no cost to you and do not affect the opinion of FitFunMom.

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Here’s a little running humor to start your week off right:

After three pregnancies, my regular shoe size went up half a size to 9.5. When I bought my first pair of running shoes, they were a size 10.5. Then the manufacturer changed the model for the new year and I needed a — gasp — 11. As I trained for my first triathlons and half marathon, I lost 17 pounds and with those, lost one full bra cup size! Ladies, can any of you relate?

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